Do you know what happens every year on December 1 ? That is World AIDS Day. Nowadays ,there are about 40 millions people living with HIV/AIDS. It is a really alarming increase for world. While the world are trying to increase awareness about HIV and fight prejudice against people living with HIV, there are still many people who keep fear, discrimination ,unacceptable thoughts . In my opinion, we should respond World AIDS Day movement by the thing which we should not keep away from or despise the people who have been infected HIV .
Firstly ,many people consider that the people who are living with HIV are homosexuals, injecting drug user ,prostitute; therefore, they richly deserved to all that happened to them. I can understand because the people who have been infected HIV are predominantly these kind of people. However ,there are so many honest citizens who are harm by scoundrels, wives who are infected due to their husband or more unfortunately , the public health staffs or police officers who work wholeheartedly are infected HIV. Also , that many children have been infected even when they are unborn is really pitiful. We all fear HIV but it does not mean that those unlucky people are fearful. They are poor victims ,so we should sympathize with them.
Secondly, many people tend to keep away from the people living with HIV because they believe that it is the only way to prevent them from HIV. It is the common psychology of the people who are lucky not to have HIV. However ,it is the fear ,discrimination that fuel the persisting spread of HIV. It is a main reason why too many people are afraid to see a doctor to determine whether they have the disease. It helps make AIDS become the silent killer, because people fear the social disgrace of speaking about it, or taking easily available precautions. A person who died of AIDS left a letter in which he said “………everyone kept clear of us because they were afraid. My wife, son and I suffered from stigma, discrimination. Some of us had nowhere to stay, no care both mentally and physically. Do you know it is your discrimination that enables us to hide our state and to become the cause of many negative behaviors which continue to scatter HIV to others? No one knows if HIV can become your partner…..” It seems that the best way to prevent us from HIV is not keeping clear of people living with HIV.
Lastly, people usually consider that people living with HIV do nothing useful to society; therefore, their existence is not necessary. People who have AIDS are too weak to do anything because AIDS are eating them away. However , people who are living with HIV at the beginning period still live , work ,study as the normal people. They still contribute their brainpower and strength to society. Imagine that if about these 40 millions people who have HIV do not contribute anything to society , what will happen to the world ? More importantly, they are the most persuasive factors in the movement to appeal to everyone to protect himself from HIV. No one can know more clearly than the people who have been infected HIV about consequences that HIV is maltreating them day by day. They are propagandists who can make a tremendous impact on everyone so that the world can slow down the increase of HIV.
World AIDS Day is very meaningful. We who are not infected HIV are much luckier than people confronting HIV. Therefore , we should cut the unseen but full of thorns net which are woven by discrimination ,fear . Let` s give them encouragement to continue life by reducing cold looks, hurtful says and increasing warm compliments .
good ideas ,good unity and coherence .your essay is very informtive and persuasive
ReplyDeleteStrong points: your structure is very good, I like the way you expressed cons and refutations. This is a difficult structure but you can do it!
ReplyDeleteYour knowledge and language about this issue are very rich
My advices: In paragraph 3, the refutation should be made stronger.
Indeed, I change my mind after reading your essay. Well done!
However ,there are so many honest citizens who are harm by scoundrels, wives who are infected due to their husband or more unfortunately , the public health staffs or police officers who work wholeheartedly are infected HIV
ReplyDeleteIn my opinion, we should respond World AIDS Day movement by the thing which we should not keep away from or despise the people who have been infected HIV .
THOSE LONG, UNPARALLELED, AND COMPLICATED (MANY CLAUSES....MAKE YOUR WRITING UNATURAL AND HARD TO BE UNDERSTOOD.
YOUR REFUTATIONS ARE HIGHLY PERSUASIVE!
INTRODUCTION (2ms)
ReplyDelete- Background, hook 0.9
- Thesis statement 0.7
BODY (4.5ms)
- Good ideas 2
- Coherence, unity, development 1.9
- Language: Grammar, vocabulary (1.6)
CONCLUSION (2ms)
- Summarize (0.9)
- Lesson, suggestions (0.9)
Total: 9.0